Table of Contents

Presence

Multitasking is the fine art of fucking up a number of things at once. Meditation is about becoming present. Presence requires inner silence; presence and inner silence are the same thing. If I'm present, my full attention is focused on here and now: where I am now, what I'm doing now. I have no attention left over. The opposite of being present is being distracted, being in my head, being absent from the actual moment I'm in right now. Being absent is touted as a virtue in the guise of multitasking. But if I'm present I can only do one thing at a time, and that one thing demands my full attention if I have any hope of doing it well.

Meditation isn't sitting cross-legged, it's having success. Meditation practice isn't the same thing as meditation, in the way I use that word. Meditation practice is what I call formal meditation, a slow and laborious way to make progress with love. That's where I was stuck after I took up recreational drugs. The words in my head get in the way of being present; they come between me and the truth. To be present I have to be quiet inside; the only thinking I do is practical problem solving required by the task at hand. Any other kind of thinking takes me away, makes me absent.

Inner silence is a gift of my wisdom. My wisdom used extreme concentrations of cannabis to shock me into a state of inner silence. That glorious moment of awakening was immediately followed by a months-long panic attack, brought on by the extreme discord between being inwardly silent and being polluted with cannabis residue in my fatty tissues. The panic attack was vitally important guidance from my wisdom. Panic forced me to seek help from 12-step programs. There I learned more about addiction and was able to make the transition from being a dry drunk to being cured of addiction forever. My wisdom can do more than one thing at a time. Love itself actually is capable of multitasking, because time does not exist for love.