Table of Contents

Will to surrender

Self will is a grievous sin in some authority driven spiritual circles. To them it means doing anything other than what the grand poobah tells you to do. Plenty of us would-be spiritual seekers have truly ugly self destructive habits, so doing what you're told can save your life if your teacher has something to offer. I benefitted a lot from doing what I was told in Boulder. I adopted better diet habits that ultimately didn't stick but kept me healthier in the meantime. That's a common complaint. I'm more likely to stick with something I make for myself. I also received compulsory education in muscle testing and body sensing. That turned out to be of incalculable value later on, once I set myself free from the master-disciple ugliness. But self will is not always a bad thing. A little commonsense self will might have saved some lives in Jonestown.

The will to surrender is the opposite of pigheadedness, of self will. My entire spiritual quest since Leela first spoke to me in 2006 has been my struggle to let go of what I think is right and surrender to her. Following guidance from muscle testing was my first step down the path of surrender. It's still my bedrock act of surrender. No matter what I think I know, when it comes to taking action or choosing inaction, I put it to the test. I double check all my plans and intentions with Leela via my body, via muscle testing and body sensing.

Do the right thing. My will is simply how much I do the right thing, i.e. the thing that results in progress with love. Human culture encourages me to do all kinds of self indulgent self destructive things. My first test of will was getting free of all my bad habits: alcohol, drugs, crappy food choices, the wrong kind of living situation, and worthless activities that ate up the time I needed to do the hard work of waking up a little at a time.